A Different Kind of Anniversary

Today is the one year anniversary of my official diagnosis and beginning of treatment. On that day I wondered what my life would look like a year from then...and here I am!

There are a few things I expected over the course of the year. While expecting full recovery in a year was a stretch, I did expected that I would feel better in many respects, and I do. It has now been a year since I have had night sweats, panic attacks, chest pain or major memory loss...all things that went away as soon as I started treatment. Other things have have been diminishing over time - the joint and muscle pains, headaches, vision problems, etc. There are a few things I have yet to do battle with, but hopefully the new treatments I'm starting will help with that.

I also expected some difficult days, and sure enough, I had them. Days when I wanted to quit, give up on the treatment, succomb to the devestation of serious illness. Though I've never been suicidal, as many late-stage Lyme patients can be, I did have days where I just wanted to be asleep, simply because then I wouldn't have to be awake. I'm not sure days like these are in the past yet, but they definitely are much, much fewer and further between.

But more importantly are the things I didn't expect.

I didn't expect to learn who my friends are. Leave it to a controversial diagnosis for that! While none of them really have said anything directly to me, there are those who have chosen to fade away, or others who have decided they don't have the time or energy to try to understand. But this also makes the good friends stand out that much more - those that simply care and are able to show it, some that have offered help that we fortunately didn't need to accept, and those that offered other help that we did accept. It's sad when some friendships die, but it's so much greater to know that you have some friends that will stink around when things get ugly, and they'll try to help you through.

I also didn't expect to have such an amazing doctor. I, like many others, had gone through 3 years of doctors that give you a hurried 10 or 15 minutes, will only listen to your "top 2 complaints," try to stifle your questions, don't really give you answers anyway, are satisfied sending you home (even from the emergency room) with 'nothing's wrong' and without any effort to look further, and aren't afraid to load you up with multiple unnatural substances in pill form that could cause further damage to your body, but wouldn't dare think to tell you that you can take oregano oil to get rid of thrush or other yeast problems. After all of that and finding a doctor that actually wants to hear every tiny little complaint you have - which you have time for in a 1 to 2 hour appointment, looks you in the eyes when he tells you that he will help you feel better no matter what or how long it takes, and then actually follows through. After a year I thought he would have gradually slipped down to normal doctor, god-complex, I'm-too-busy-for-you status, but I continually leave each appointment uplifted, supported and encouraged. That's a good doctor.

I didn't expect to learn how great my parents are and how fortunate I am to have them as parents. They've been there from day one and saw how sick I had gotten and were as frustrated as I was without getting any answers. When we lived in Wausau, they were there to run errands when Brian was overwhelmed with things and I was near bed-ridden. Even now being hours away, they still find ways to encourage and support us...and still seem to feel like they're right here going through it with us. That's a trick that I hope is genetic. :)

And although I knew I'd married a good man, I didn't expect him to have to show me how good. No one has been through more during this time than Brian. Seeing the health of his new bride slipping away and not being able to do anything about it wasn't easy. Having to pick up the slack and take on the vast majority of the chores and errands, while still working full time and taking care of a sick wife, would be overwhelming to any one person. He's supported me 100% in our decision for me to stop working while I go through treatment and focus on getting better without the stress of dealing health problems and an employer. And to be able to do all these things and still be there to smile, pray for me, and put aside his own interests and activities just to be there to cheer me up...that's when you know you've married a truly good man.

So, after 4 years of illness and a year of treatment I've come to a point where I'm not sure I'd give it back. If I could do it over again, although it'd be tempting, I'd probably choose not to. I believe God often chooses times of struggle and weakness to bless you the most, if you let Him. I've been blessed in so many ways, I can only begin to include them all here. Although it still might be a struggle most days, I'm excited to see where the next year takes us.